Summer Family Connection 1999
Chapel Hill Presbyterian Church

Wanted! Children after God's Own Heart!

A serial melodrammer in 5 Acts - by eldrbarry

[Act 1 . Act 2 . Act 3 . Act 4 .Act 5]

Sheriff Saul - Sheriff of Cowtown - Should be older, tall and strong
Deputy John: - his deputy and Davy's Friend
Clementine - Saul's daughter (sweet on Davy - she is both Michal and Abigal in David's Story) .
Davy - a sheepherder's son (A boy or young man)
Windy - a whiskery gold prospector (and our Narrator - he represents God in David's story)
Snake Oil Snidely - Villain and schemer (Represents the devil and those in league with him)
An Indian Chief and Two braves (which represent the Philistines)(Friday - Act 5 Only]
The Stage hand - silent, inept, holds up {Audience Cue Cards}.

Audience Cues (participation): When the various actors enter, signs are held up for the Audience:
Clapping--- Saul and John, (until Act 5 when a Silence sign will be held up for Saul);
--- Clementine,
Cheers for Davy,
Boos or Hisses for Snake's entrances and exits.

As well, when the "Big Bad Man" is mentioned prompts for Booing); and the word "sheep" is mentioned prompts for Phews will be displayed.

Props needed include a small table and two chairs, two hay bales (for rocks - Acts 3, 4 and 5), harmonica, wood slingshot, wood train whistle, drum, three cowboy six shooter cap guns, some miss-spelled campaign posters, a bank money bag, mask, Cowboys hats - one extra-large, etc.

Act 1: The Big! Bad! Man! Scene 1 - Main Street, Cowtown

Windy: Welcome cowboys and cowgirls to our play. I am Wind Wagon Smith. They call me Windy. We want to present for your theatrical enjoyment our original drama: The Ballad of Davy the Outlaw. It is a bright sunny day in Cowtown. People are walking on the streets. Over there is Shayriff Saul (enters with Wanted Poster). With him is Deputy John: (also enters) Apparently the stage coach has just arrived in town for Saul appears to be putting up a wanted poster. . .

John: Sheriff, Who is that outlaw? That has got to be the ugliest desperado I have ever seen.
Saul: He's a Big! Bad! Man! Yep, the biggest and baddest outlaw ever seen in these parts.
John: How big is he?
Saul: They say he's the biggest man that ever rode the west, and he casts a six foot shadow at high noon with his boots off.
John: And how bad is he?
Saul: He's the wursted outlaw ever was. He's Meaner than a wildcat before breakfast and faster than a Rattler on a hot day. He kicks dogs and takes candy from babies.
John: What if he and his gang come to Cowtown. What will we do?
Saul: If'n I was you, son, I'd hide and hope he goes away. He's a Big! Bad! Man!

Windy: Over there by the stage stop is Sweet Clementine, Saul's daughter {"Ahh"} apparently making cow eyes at Davy [he has an old fashioned sling shot in his back pocket] who is loading supplies into his father's wagon. She works at Calamity's Boarding House. He's the Sheepherder's Son. [Enter Davy carrying a sack of flour, followed by Clema]
Saul and John: [Turning to Windy] Did you say Sheep? YEWWH! ( Every one, but Clema and Davy hold their noses) {"Yewh"}
Windy: He doesn't know that Clementine is sweet on him.
Clema: Oh Davy, you are so strong! [Pinches his arm and blushes]
Davy: Ahh! Lifting this bag of flour is nuthin' Wait till you see me heft that barrel of sheep dip!
Saul and John: Did he say Sheep? YEWWH! ( Every one, but Clema and Davy hold their noses) {"Yewh"}
Clema: Do you like lemonade, Davy? (batting her eyes)
Davy: Why shor' I do
Clema: I could make you some at my father's office, when you are done heaving that barrel. We could drink it in the parlor!! [flirtatous blinks]
Davy: I'd like that.
Clema: (to Audience as his back is turned. A motion of Yes!) [Heaves the barrel and they exit]

Windy: And there is a stranger just arrived in town, he must of arrived on the stage. I wonder who he is. He looks like some kind of drummer or card shark. [Enter Snake] {"Boo Hiss"} [Snake looks at Stage Hand who shugs.]
Snake: (Approaches Saul and John:) Pardon me, could you tell me where I can find a fine establishment of lodging in this dusty little town?
John: Clementine's Boarding house is just down the street. Her prices are reasonable.
Snake: And a place of fine eating and libations.
John: Clementine's grubs good. But we don't have a library.
Snake: Not a library. I mean a place where a man can quench his thirst.
John: Oh a saloon! We don't have one.
Snake: (To Audience) No Saloon! Why what a business opportunity for me, Snake Oil Snidely! I can sell these rubes watered down rot gut sarsaparilla at excessively high prices. No competition! And when my Big Bad friend gets here, this town'll be mine! All Mine! {"Boo Hiss"}(Turns back to Saul)
Saul: We don't have a Saloon in Cowtown, and won't while I'm Sheriff Saul. A Saloon would bring nothing but trouble to Cowtown. And while we are on the subject . . . Who are you and what is your business here? Snake: Why, . . I, . Sir, am (Uh) Dr. Phineas L. Snidely {"Boo, Hiss"}, [scowls at audience] a purveyor of quality medicinal solutions to cure all sorts of common ailments.
Saul: You wouldn't be that "Snake Oil" salesman they ran out of Dodge in his underwear on a rail with Tar and chicken feathers.
Snake: I assure you, Sir, I do not sell "Snake Oil", (to Audience) besides, I had my pants on. (Pulls some feathers out of his collar and drops them) Besides Sheriff, shouldn't you busy be protecting this town from the Big! Bad! Man! I heard he and his gang were riding this way.
Saul: The Big! Bad! Man! is coming here?
Snake: Bragging he can whoop any man in this town!
John: Sheriff, we'd better get ready!
Saul: Right, Deputy! We better head for the office. [John: exits] As for you Drummer. . .
Snake: y.y.ess?
Saul: We got plenty of tar and feather here too! [exit Snake, then Saul]

Windy: So now you have the beginning of our tale of Davy the Outlaw. But now the Scene changes. For even as they are hurry off, a gang of the wurstest and baddest desperados is on the edge of town, and their leader is a Big! Bad! Man!

Scene 2 - The Sheriff's Office

[Stage hand brings in table and chair, Changes sign] [Sheriff and Deputy enter, Sheriff pantomimes lowering the blinds and then peeking through them]
John: He's Big! Isn't he?
Saul: (Gulp!) Yep, He shor is!
John: And he is Bad! Isn't he?
Saul: (Gulp! Gulp!) Yep!
John: So what are you going to do?
Saul: Pretend I went fishing!
John: What?
Saul: Pretend I went fishing, maybe he'll go away!
John: Are you scared of him, Sheriff?
Saul: Gulp! Yep! He's Big! He's Bad! And I'm pretending I'm not here!

From Offstage: a booming voice:
Big: Cluck! Cluck, Cluck, Cluck! This ain't no Cowtown, It's a Chicken coop! Come on out! I dare ya. Try to whoop me! I'm Big!! And I'm Bad!! And Me and my Gang . we are gonna take over this town! Ha! Ha! Ha!

John: Sheriff, what are we gonna do?
Saul: I .. don't .. know, deputy? Say, do you smell sheep? {"Yweh"}
[Clema and Davy enter]
Clema: Daddy, whose that man hollering in the street?
Saul: He's a Big! Bad! Man! Everybody in town is scared of him!
John: He says he will whoop any man who comes out.
Clema: Oh Daddy, Oh Davy! What are we going to do?
Davy: He might be scary, but I'm not afraid! I'll whoop him!
[Saul and John: look at Davy]
Clema: Oh Davy!!
Saul: I knew I smelled sheep! {"Yewh!"} Son, you are too little to take that Big! Bad! Man! on.
Davy: I saved my dad's sheep from a bear once. And from a cougar too!
Saul: But he's so Big! And so Bad! Listen to him talk. And you are just a boy! Here, take my pistol!
John: And wear this hat, it'll make you look bigger. [Hat is so big it covers his eyes]
Davy: I never used a pistol and I can't see with this hat on. I'll just make do with my trusty slingshot!
Clema: You are so Brave, Davy! Be careful! [Davy leaves toward Voice]
Saul: (mutters) And so stupid!

Big: (Offstage) Cockadoodle doo! This town is full of cow-ards. Cluck! Cluck! Yellow through and through! Ha! Ha! Boys, let's have some Fun! And look at that boy a coming over there - smells like sheep!! Baa! Baa! I'll show you whose Baa-ad!
Clema: Oh Daddy, I can't look! What's happening out there?
Saul: The street is empty, no! A long shadow! The Big Bad Man is coming down the street, a whole bunch of wild outlaws behind him. He's big!! And Bad!! And now, Davy's stepping into the street. Now Davy's standing in the middle of the street. Just standing there looking up at that Big! Bad! Man! The Big! Bad! Man is pointing at Davy. He's Laughing! The Outlaws are laughing! The Big! Bad! Man's making faces at Davy. He's just a standing there. One of the outlaws started to grab Davy, but the Big! Bad! Man pulled him back.
John: I heard him say he's gonna shear himself a little sheep!
Clema: Oh Daddy, no!
Saul: I can't look either! What's happening, Deputy?
John: Davy reached into his pocket and pulled out his slingshot. The Big guy is laughing! Davy is reaching in his pocket, pulled out a stone I think. He's pulling back his slingshot! The giant took a step. Davy's letting go. WOW! He hit em right between the eyes. The Big Bad Guy is falling over. Davy's knocked him out cold!
Clema: My hero! {"Cheers"}
John: The outlaws are starting for Davy! He's got another stone from his pocket! The outlaws are stopping. He's pulling it back. The outlaws are turning and riding out of town. Davy saved the town. {Cheers} Everyone's coming out of the buildings, they are cheering and carrying Davy on their shoulders. Let's go! [exit John:]
Clema: My Hero! Davy's so brave! [exit Clema]
Saul:That kid's got courage alright. Even if he smells like sheep!!! Yewh! Next thing you know the town will want to make him Sheriff. [Exit Saul]
[Snake peers around the corner] Snake: Curses! Foiled again! But just you wait Cowtown. You will be mine yet!! [fiendish laugh]

Windy: So there you have, buckaroos - the beginning of our tale of Davy the Outlaw. But you say: "He's a hero - not an outlaw!" - don't be impatient, there is more to our story which we shall continue tomorrow.

© 1999 Barry McWilliams and Chapel Hill Presbyterian Church. Please e-mail for permission to use.

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